


Fargo Season 4 Ideas, Prompts, Suggestions

by Basilthehamster



Category: Fargo (TV)
Genre: Bad Ideas, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, prompt, request, steal these ideas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28031547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basilthehamster/pseuds/Basilthehamster
Summary: I'm so fucking obsessed with this show! But where is the fan fiction for season 4?!I'm a very bad writer, so I started writing my ideas down in hopes that someone more talented would take up the mantle and do it for me. If you see something inspiring, please, take it! Steal these ideas!!!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will be adding more as I think of them. Yes, they are extremely fucked up, rapey non-con problematic bullshit. I used the Dead Dove warning, what did you expect?
> 
> Most of these revolve around Rabbi Milligan because he is my precious little bean who I just want to make cry lol, but there's a few others too.
> 
> I will add other ideas as new chapters.

**Idea summaries: the fucked up shit edition:**

——

Yiddles Milligan used to pimp out his son to other pervs who were rich or powerful in order to make alliances or blackmail or both. After the massacre, Don Fadda takes over the Milligan turf and still has to do business with the same people - so he continues to whore out Rabbi. Poor Rabbi thinks the Faddas are going to be different, but one day is called into Don’s office and is horrified that sitting there is one of his father’s business associates. Don puts his arm around Rabbi and is like “kid, u know what to do, gotta earn your keep.” Rabbi is heartbroken, but doesn’t want to disappoint his new boss.

Alternate -> Don Fadda has his inner circle and business associates in his office, bragging about his master manipulating skills in getting Rabbi to turn. Rabbi truly believed that he would be getting a new family and acceptance, so his brain breaks when Don calls him into the office and they are all laughing at him for falling for the lies and calling him a whore. He has to stand there in middle of the room while they jeer and talk about him like he’s not there. After a few sessions like this, Don brags that he can get the kid to do anything and orders Rabbi to suck his dick. Rabbi is used to this from his own father and complies, but is in kind of a fugue state.

At some point, Don wants to impress a very important possible ally (and perv) so he calls Rabbi into his office and tells him to sit under his desk. Once there, he handcuffs Rabbi to the leg of the desk and tells him to await further instruction. When the important dude comes in, he shows him Rabbi and says “I told you I had an Irish whore in here” and makes it out like this is where Rabbi is kept and used as a cock warmer all day. The dude sits at the desk and Rabbi has to blow him while they do business. They leave him there over night. The next day, Don uncuffs him and heaps praise on him for being a good sport and promises to reward him. Rabbi is so broken at this point, he falls for the gas lighting, and cries in relief.

—

Calamita drives Rabbi home from the hospital after being shot, all drugged up, pulls over and molests him when he can’t fight back. Rabbi isn’t sure if it was a dream, but when Calamita smirks at him he knows and wants revenge.

—

When he first comes to the Faddas, Calamita bullies him, constantly calling him gay slurs and telling him he’s weak and girly, so Rabbi tries to make himself more manly and straight looking, it really fucks with his head and causes extreme stress. Years later Rabbi catches Calamita fucking a man and is incensed at the hypocrisy. Calamita says its not hypocrisy because he wasn’t talking about fucking men, he was talking about being soft and unmanly. You can fuck all the asses, as long as you’re a man (aka violent) about it. “A man takes what he wants.” So Rabbi pistol whips him and fucks him up against a wall.

——

Someone’s been leaking info to police or rival gang or someone. Everyone suspects the obvious choice of turncoat - Rabbi. Fadda Sr. assures them that Rabbi is his boy and is trustworthy. Some of the other Fadda gang members are convinced otherwise and confront Rabbi in the club. They beat him up and threaten to rape him if he doesn’t confess. He won’t confess to something he didn’t do, so they take turns fucking his ass over a pool table, and then fuck his mouth, and maybe spit roasted. He is saved when someone comes in with news that they caught the rat red handed. When Fadda Sr. finds out he lets Rabbi shoot the ring leader and beat up the others who raped him.

—

A rival gang has Rabbi and Calamita captive. one of the gangsters recognizes Rabbi from the public park bathroom where the queer men go to fuck, decides to mess with them and gets Rabbi to confess to his down-low dick sucking habits under threat of torture. He admits to being a cum drinking slut, and is forced to suck him off in front of Calamita. They think rival’s going to kill them but just to fuck with their heads and sow discord in their ranks, he lets them go. On the ride home, Calamita says he’s disgusted by him but won’t tell anyone. Afterwards, Rabbi is traumatized and says he’s sick so he can hide in his room, but really has PTSD symptoms -unable to get out of bed, doesn’t sleep/nightmares, doesn’t eat. Josto is fed up with him not working, sends Calamita up to talk to him. Rabbi is in bed and says to go away, I’m sick. Calamita says you’re not sick you just have cock withdrawal, you need to feed your addiction - pulls his dick out and slaps him in the face with it. Rabbi resists but he grabs him by the hair and says “take your medicine” and fucks his throat. When he’s done he pats his cheek and says “good boy. you come back tomorrow.” Rabbi is obviously still not ok, but having Calamita accept him in his own fucked up way is the push he needs to get out of bed.

Alternative: Anything at all with Calamita saying “take your medicine” and feeding someone his cock.

—

Another really fucked up “dead dove” one: Shortly after Don dies, Josto receives a mysterious package with a reel of film labeled “Patrick” and a note saying “found this in an old safe, thought your man might want it back.” He gets a projector and plays the movie. Its from the late 30’s so no sounds and not super great quality, but whats on it is clear - its teenage Rabbi being forced to perform sex acts in the club house above Joplin’s. There’s a table full of men drinking and laughing and Yiddles is holding him by the hair and yelling in his ear while he sucks off another gang member, then drags him to the next man over, repeat. Then Yiddles goes to the camera and moves it to a new angle facing the table, and Rabbi is pushed onto it. Yiddles pulls his pants down and rapes him in front of the other men, who cheer. Rabbi stays limp like a rag doll the whole time. Josto remembers when he was living with the Milligans and having similar things done to him, tho not in public, the younger brother told him to just go limp and it hurts less, and he wonders if Rabbi is the one who taught him that. It brings back his traumatic memories and he doesn’t know what to do with any of this, if he should burn the film or give it to Rabbi or what. Eventually he calls Rabbi into the office and tell him that an anonymous person sent him this film reel and asks if he remembers whats on it. Rabbi looks panicked and asks if he watched it yet. Josto just says its bad and asks if he knows who could have sent it. Rabbi starts to cry but tries to hold it in. He has a few guesses who it could be - one of his father’s business partners, his cousin, a rich old pedophile that his father sold child porn to, tho he would have to be dead by now… they talk about their abuse for the first time and even tho Yiddles is the only one who abused Josto, he vows to hunt down the other men who abused Rabbi and kill whomever is still alive.

—similar—

One day Rabbi comes to Josto’s office in a panic. He shows him a newspaper with an article about an old man being arrested for owning and distributing child porn and that he had thousands of pictures going back decades. Josto’s like ‘yeah so?’ Rabbi explains that this was one of his father’s associates and that he developed any photos his father took. He knows for sure that some of the photos found in his stash are of him, and if Yiddles ever took pictures of Josto than he would be in there, too. J says he will use a prison contact to make sure he never makes it to trial, but Rabbi is still freaked out about the police having a box of pictures of him being raped. He explains that somehow its different than just knowing they exist in some pervert’s safe, being out in public for police and lawyers to see is worse in his mind. So they break into the police station to steal the evidence and burn it. Then they get drunk and cry and end up kissing.

—-

Josto tells Oraetta about his brother and all the violent, gruesome murders he committed. She is turned on and wants to meet him. Josto says no way, but she goes behind his back. Gaetano isn’t particularly interested, so she drugs him and ties him up and rapes him. He breaks free and goes to Josto and they decide to get revenge on Oraetta, but she enjoys everything they do and the three of them end up having a 3 way bondage session.

—

Gaetano being tortured by Cannon’s men - turns sexual and rapey. nightstick in the ass, forced ejaculation.

\--

Shortly after the Milligan Massacre, the Italians are moving into the club. Rabbi is tasked to help bring in furniture or something. A bunch of the men corner him and beat on him, telling him they will never trust or accept someone who could betray their own blood and will never be theirs. Just as they have him bent over a pool table, Calamita enters and asks what they’re doing. They say “Those filthy Irish left behind a rat infestation, we’re just doing some pest control.” Calamita says “this particular rodent is the boss’ pet and he will not be happy if it doesn’t scurry back home.” They reluctantly walk away. Rabbi says thank you but Calamita says “I didn’t do it for you, I was protecting my brothers from getting in trouble” but also that he owes him.

—>Possible continuation: Later, Calamita and his little posse are playing cards and when Rabbi walks by, he calls him over and says (half jokingly) he wants his favor - blowjobs for him and his friends while they play. Rabbi tries to just walk away but C calls out that if he wants his protection again he should stay on his good side. The friends join in mocking and cajoling him, saying they heard rumors that his father used to whore him out to settle his gambling debts and this isn’t any different. Rabbi is devastated since he truly thought he’d have a new family but it’s not working out like he hoped and there’s no getting out now. Rabbi goes into the other room and cries. One of the men comes in and sits with him and says he thinks the other guys are assholes for doing that. They share a cigarette and he confesses that its true, but he would rather die than do it again. He thought it would be different now. The guy kisses him and goes back to the game. Rabbi doesn’t know what to make of it. They spend time together over the next few months and start a little romance. The others are mostly ignoring him, which is probably the best he can hope for. One time he hears some of the men harassing his new bf for being friends with him, calling him a fag. The guy denies that there’s anything between them, he just feels bad for Rabbi. Rabbi knows he has to say that to protect himself, but it hurts all the same. Another day Rabbi overhears him talking to Calamita and construes that C and him had a thing and C is jealous. C says that if he fucks Rabbi he’ll kill both of them. The bf doesn’t talk to him for a while, probably trying to distance himself. Rabbi confronts C and asks why he can’t just let them be friends, why does he hate him so much. C smirks and says that if Rabbi sucks his dick first then he will give bf the ok to see Rabbi again. Its like a power thing. Rabbi agrees and goes down on him, but afterwards C laughs at him and is like omg I can’t believe u fell for that, of course you can’t see him. I hate you cuz you’re you. R is once again devastated and depressed. He thinks about just killing C, cuz why not? But he knows that C is one of the boss’ main guys and he would be tortured and executed. When he does see bf alone again, bf confesses that he’s very depressed and wants to leave. R and him plan to run away, they just need to save up some money. The harassment from the other men gets worse and one day, shortly before they plan to leave, bf comes to Rabbi very distraught. He says if they don’t leave now, he’s going to kill himself. Rabbi says fuck it, lets go, but on the way out, they get waylaid by one of the boss’ men. BF had been caught stealing from the boss by pocketing money collected from extortion. He shoots bf in the head. Rabbi goes back to his room and doesn’t come out for over a week.

\------ 

**Less problematic ones, but only slightly:**

—

Oraetta has Josto tied up to her bed and she leaves him there while she goes to work. Someone important is looking for him, so Rabbi goes looking and finds him tied up. He thinks this is very funny and also extremely sexy and toys with Josto for a little while. Josto has been holding his pee for longer than usual and begs to be let up to relieve himself. Rabbi offers to help him piss in a jar. He questions him about the BDSM activities they do and Josto gets hard talking about it. Rabbi offers to choke him with his dick and he discovers a new kink.

——

Remember that scene where Rabbi goes to fetch Odis and they make eye contact? Yeah, they totally have a secret relationship. Something with those two. Maybe Rabbi is sent to keep an eye on Odis and ends up in his house, where they talk about his dead finance. Odis says she loved him even tho he’s “different” and he thinks Rabbi is “different” too. Rabbi is like “you’re fuckin’ different, all right, but I’m not a walking tic factory like u” and Odis is like, no, I mean like bisexual. She was into me fucking dudes, too. Rabbi’s like “oh neat!” And they fuck. Maybe?

——

*My current favorite* Takes place either before East/West or AU timeline. Rabbi and Satchel are on their way to get the cash stash, middle of no where. They run out of gas and only have the change in Rabbi’s wallet. They stop at a gas station (not the one from the episode) and Rabbi tells satchel to wait in the car while he cases the joint to see if he can rob it. Stay in the car! Inside the store he notices the owner is checking him out so decides instead of robbing the place, to fuck him in exchange for gas. Rabbi turns on the charm and the owner agrees, and bends him over the counter. It’s been a while since Rabbi had sex so he’s relishing it. But! Satchel gets nervous waiting and has to pee so goes looking for a bathroom. He sees thru the window and doesn’t understand about men fucking so thinks the guy is hurting Rabbi. He’s scared for Rabbi and also terrified of being stuck out there on the road alone, so he uses the gun Rabbi gave him and shoots thru the window, killing the owner. Rabbi is like WTF WTF WTF u were supposed to wait in the car! Why didn’t you wait in the car?! And screams at him, but really he’s angry at himself for letting this happen and just devastated cuz the whole fucking point of running was to keep Satchel from ever having to kill anybody and he failed. Satchel is confused and, obviously, traumatized. So Rabbi cleans up, empties the register, takes some food, and they high tail it out of there. Later they go to a motel and they’re both crying and upset. Rabbi apologizes for yelling and says it’s not his fault and tries to make him feel better, but satchel is like “I don’t understand, u had a gun, why didn’t u just rob him? why did u let him do that?” And he tries to give his usual cryptic non-answers, but Satchel is not having it. (It always bugged me that Satchel ever accepted that shit. Have u ever met a little kid who didn’t ask “why why why” all the time?) Satchel says he doesn’t trust Rabbi anymore cuz he never tells him the truth, so he promises to be honest and answer all his questions. He tries to actually answer in the best way he can, everything from “are u queer?” to “what’s your real name?” To “why did u kill your dad?” It’s extremely difficult for Rabbi cuz he has never faced/talked about his past, but he desperately needs Satchel to trust him again. Lots of angst and crying. Ends with (completely appropriate, familial) snuggling, cuz I love my angsty daddy-issues-having boys.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some ideas that don't even involve non-con or violence!
> 
> also, very, very long ones

————new short prompts—————

Calamita/Gaetano and Calamita/Josto. (Comes from someone on the Discord chat) Both following Calamita like puppies, jealous of their brother, vying for attention. Calamita is outwardly"oh no, not again" and especially moaning about it with Ebal, but really he loves and probably encourages the competitiveness. Fadda boys fighting for Calamita's affections, trying to outdo one another. "look, C! i kidnapped a guy for us to kill!" "No, over here! i have drugs!! and... bondage gear!"

————

Gaetano feels bad for Satchel because he was the same age when he was sent away. He brings Satchel chocolate and tells him that when he was sad and missing his family, chocolate made him feel better. Jokes about how he eats too much chocolate cuz he’s sad a lot. Rabbi comes back and is like “where did u get the candy?” And when Satchel tells him he freaks out cuz he thinks G is threatening him by getting to the kid. He confronts G and gets protective of S, but eventually sees that G just wants to be nice to him, so allows G to hang out with S under strict supervision so that he doesn’t try to turn him into a murder machine like him. They become a funny little Odd Couple parenting duo for the kid.

Scenes like knife practice:

G: here’s how to stab someone on this mannequin.

R: Only in self defense!

G: Or funsies!

R: oh you! *wags finger*

Real OG Odd Couple stuff, like G tosses cigar butt on ground, R picks it up with umbrella point… and Satchel is just like “them’s my two dads uwu”

——————

My Girls (Zelmare and Swanee) didn’t die, but get arrested. In jail they meet Oraetta. She doesn’t like them at first, but comes around to their charms and opens up about her love of bondage. The Girls are like “beating up men? Sounds dope.” They decide to open up a BDSM club together when they get out (and Josto can help set it all up cuz you know he’d be there every night) 

———————

My Girls (Zelmare and Swanee) on the run before they get to the funeral home. Just having a grand ol' time being sexy outlaws and doing gay shit.

\-------- 

\---Long-ass prompts---

———————

A nervous young man comes to Joplin’s and says he’s looking for someone name Patrick Milligan. The guy at the door is like “no one here named patrick.” So he very sadly starts to leave. Another guy comes to the door asks “what was that about?” the other guy tells him and he says “you dumbass, that’s Rabbi!” And calls after the guy. Asks What do you want with him? He says he’s Rabbi’s little brother (the show doesn’t name him or even credit the actor who played him in the pilot episode, wtf?) and just wants to see him. He also says he’d settle for talking to Josto if he’s around, cuz they knew each other. Neither are there at the moment, so he leaves a note and goes to wait somewhere else.

Next day when Rabbi comes in he sees the note and freaks out. Josto and the others are like “that kid is definitely here to kill you as revenge and probably all of us, too” but Rabbi is determined to see him. Later, brother comes back, they search him for weapons and let him in. When Rabbi sees him he’s overcome with emotion and starts to cry and they hug and cry “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I did it for you, I wanted to protect you!” “I know, I never blamed you!” And they just hug forever. - never going to be apart again.

-> Optional: Brother’s backstory is that after the massacre he was sent to live with cousins (their mother died when he was a baby) and shipped around, ended up back east as a teenager, went to catholic school where he was bullied and tormented by nuns, spent most of his time alone and was very depressed. He has OCD and has intrusive thoughts that play in his head like a newsreel over and over, images of Rabbi being killed in various horrible ways. A few years ago he tried to commit suicide and spent time in an institution. His new therapist suggested that if he found out what actually happened to his brother then those particular intrusive thoughts might go away. He’s been scared to actually do it because what if what happened to Rabbi was actually worse than he imagined? Or what if he doesn’t want to see him? But he finally decided to pull the trigger and make the trip. Both are glad he did, cuz now they can reconnect.

—> even more optional: there’s this phenomena (validity highly debated, mostly anecdotal) called genetic familial attraction, where when biological family member are reunited after being apart for most of their life, like in cases of adoption or forced separation, one or both feel intense sexual attraction to the other. I’m not into incest as a kink, but in this particular story I think it could work. At least, I can see a lot of hugging and kissing and cuddling that would not be appropriate for regular brothers, but would be super sweet for Rabbi and his brother in particular.

———————————————

Starts similar to previous: A letter is left at Joplins addressed to Patrick Milligan. Inside is an old photo of him as a 10 year old, with two little girls dressed in Purim costumes, along with a letter. The letter is from one of the little girls, the daughter of Liev Moskowitz, who was Rabbi’s adopted sister for 5 years. She says she saved the picture all these years because she wanted to remember him in happier times. She goes on to say that she never blamed him for what his father made him do since he was just a child. She always knew her father risked being killed by rival gangs, such is the nature of organized crime, that was his decision. She head about him betraying his own family and shooting his father, which she sees as fitting punishment. But she was never able to get over the death of her brother Ari, who was also just a kid and didn’t deserve to be tortured and murdered. Again, she doesn’t blame Patrick, but was furious at him for many years and is still grieving for the loss of both of them and wants him to try to make amends. It’s the 18th anniversary (18 is an important number in judaism because of its association with Chai - meaning life) of his death coming up and she would like Patrick to take her to where it happened so she can get some closure.

Rabbi is freaked the hell out. He desperately wants to reconnect with her, but is scared it’s a ruse to try and kill him, and also is just scared to face the past and doesn’t think he can emotionally handle it. So he puts off replying and eventually just decides not to. But he has nightmares about the night of the massacre and is a total wreck for a while.

A few months later, she comes anyway. A woman in her 30’s waits outside Joplin’s. When the gang arrives, she walks up to them and says “Patrick? Is that you?” Rabbi is taken off guard. “Zelda?” (You can change the name, I just chose it cuz it’s in my family on the Polish Jewish side) She slaps him, he starts to cry “I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, then she slaps him again and and again. And he just stands there and takes it. The other guys are like “damn, did u knock this girl up or what?” and go inside. Then she hugs him and that’s too much and he falls to his knees and she goes with him, the two of them hug and cry on the street.

Eventually they calm down and he brings her inside. They go to the back hall where Ari was killed. She asks him to lie down in the exact spot Ari did. He thinks she might be going to kill him but isn’t going to fight back. Instead she lies down on the floor next to him and asks him to walk her through exactly what happened and imagine what Ari was feeling right before he died, how scared he was. Rabbi has a full on panic attack and she holds his hand while he tells her. Then she asks to be alone for a while so he keeps watch outside so no one disturbs. After a while she calls him back and she has carved Ari’s name on the floor. She asks Rabbi to sit again and holds out the knife and he really thinks she is going to kill him, but instead pricks his finger. She rubs his bleeding finger over the carved name, sings a song/prayer, and tells him that now their blood is mingled in the wood and they are bonded forever.

After, they go out to the bar and drink together and catch up on each other’s lives. When Zelda hears someone call him Rabbi she’s like “EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU?!” He explains that he didn’t pick the name, it was given to him by his dad. The real story is that after he came home he had picked up a lot of the Yiddish vernacular and his dad said he sounded like a Jew so started to mockingly call him The Little Rabbi, which over time shortened to just Rabbi and it stuck. Everyone else assumed it was a badass reference to killing the Jews and he didn’t want to correct them because reputation is everything. To him, he wears the name like an albatross to remind him of his shame. She’s like “you may not have chosen it, but you can choose not to answer to it” and he’s like “you’re right, its fucked up, but I also felt like Patrick was a little boy who died the night he earned the nick name.” She’s like “tough shit. My brother actually died but you can resurrect Patrick any time without a necromancer.” So he agrees to go back to being called Patrick, if he can get other people to go along with it.

That’s all I have, no ideas for ending other than they keep writing to each other and are long distance family.

———————————————

\----LOOOONGEST Prompt Ever (basically an entire fic but poorly written)----

[note: I actually thought of this a while ago, while the series was about halfway through, but never wrote it down until now]

AU with no trade, therefore Don Fadda is still alive. Rabbi starts having migraines. He gets one on a mafia mission and pukes in front of a rival gang, totally embarrassing and ruining it. The Don declares that he’s a liability, so bans him from doing anything important, just household and clean-up stuff, which makes Rabbi (even more) depressed. There is a Fadda daughter, Maxia [a canon character but since we never meet her, only hear reference to her, it’s an OC who is obviously based on Gina Linetti from 99] who is away at college. She has always liked Rabbi, tho he keeps his distance. Maxia, who is the craziest motherfucker in the family whom they are all terrified of, returns from school asking if she can borrow a man to track down some bastard cops who murdered her friend’s parents. Don tells her they are a business, not a gun for hire lending library and her friend can find their own vigilante. Rabbi overhears and since he’s not allowed to do anything good anyway, offers to help. She says great, I had you in mind anyway cuz my friend is adorable and you would love him, implying I know you’re gay even tho you’d never admit it. She takes him to her friend’s house, (haven’t decided on a name, so will just call friend) and he’s overcome with grief and in a deep depression. He and Maxia tell the whole long-ass tragic backstory:

When he was about 14 his abusive parents kicked him out for being gay. He was homeless on the street for a few years, working as a prostitute, had abusive John-turned-boyfriend-turned-pimp who took him to circuit parties and pimped him out. He meets two older gay men who are like “hell no, sweet bb, u come live with us”, beat up bad boyfriend, take him in and treat him like family. They are a kind, loving couple and he lives with them for 10 years, in which time they help him get his GED and go to college, are just generally supportive, good parents. However a few months ago they were at a bath house that got raided by police. A few of the cops think these queers aren’t being deferential enough, beat them to death in a horrific way, and cover it up. The other men arrested that night told Friend what happened, but are too scared to speak out against the police. Friend is fucking devastated and can’t accept that their murderers can just get away with it and continue to kill more people. He confided in Maxia, friend from school, that he was thinking of doing something drastic, like going on a rampage, but he had never even fired a gun before so she was like “what are the odds? I happen to know actual criminals who could be of service” so here we are.

Rabbi, who is obviously extremely repressed and full of internal homophobia, is shocked and in awe that these men are just living openly gay and having sex and not feeling bad about it. He is enamored of lovely friend, moved by story of gay dads, so of course wants to kill these pigfuckers, too. He tells friend that this is going to be a long project cuz they have to get information and can’t make it look like a professional hit so need to plan. Rabbi uses Odis to get the files on the police raid and figure out which officers most likely killed them. He and friend spend a long time stalking each policeman and plan how to kill them. While staking out, Rabbi gets a migraine and they go back to friend’s house, who takes care of him and massages his temples, making him even more smitten. Rabbi opens up about his own past and they get close. Friend encourages Rabbi to go to a doctor about his migraines, which are getting more frequent. (I’m not going to obsessively research medical tech from pre-1950, so I’m just going to take some liberties with what tests may or may not have existed back then. You can accept the anachronism or do the reading for me idc)

After they make their first kill by running over the cop with a car, their adrenalin is running so high that friend grabs and kisses Rabbi and they have sex in the car. Rabbi has never had consensual sex with a man before, previously only going to the Family owned brothel to get his dick sucked, and won’t take his clothes off because he doesn’t want anyone to see the scars all over him from his father’s abuse. After a while they have a routine of stalking, plotting, and fucking. Lots of hot sex scenes. I have in my head a very sexy scene where friend lets him explore his body, Rabbi very slowly and gently running his hands and mouth all over every inch of him, but I won’t write it all here cuz it would take too long, this is supposed to be an outline. Anyway… Rabbi is amazed that friend loves anal sex so much since his only experience with it was rape and thinks it has to hurt. Friend explains that it feels fantastic when its done right (and, ya know, you’re a consenting adult, not an abused child) and with someone who actually cares about your pleasure. He offers to show Rabbi how good it can feel, but Rabbi says no. He is phobic about letting anyone touch his ass cuz it triggers ptsd from the abuse, but deep down he wants to experience the thing that makes friend look like he’s in ecstasy. They fuck in other positions, tho Rabbi never takes his shirt off.

It’s going well until one time they break into the cop’s house and at gun point he confesses everything he did, but is not remorseful and says they deserved it. Rabbi shoots him in the head and makes it look like a suicide. (He asks the guy if he’s left handed and he’s like “no, fucking random” and he’s like “gotta make sure it’s the right side” before firing.) Friend is beside himself hearing the details of what was done to his adoptive parents and has a breakdown in the car. Rabbi takes him home and holds him all night while he cries. They decide to take a little break from killing to recover and let the heat die down (can’t kill them all at once or it would look too suspicious). Rabbi encourages friend to see some of his school friends and puts a little more time in at the Fadda’s for appearances - he does, after all, still work for them.

Josto is suspicious of him always disappearing and wants to know what he’s been up to. Rabbi, who’s a little more self-assured now that having a positive relationship has improved his self-esteem, tells Josto to fuck off cuz he’s never shown even the slightest interest in him for 15 years, even back when he was younger and desperate for anyone to pay attention to him, it’s too late to pretend to care now. This act of standing up for himself makes Josto even more curious, cuz Rabbi’s always been a push over for him, but Rabbi isn’t having it.

Rabbi gets a call from the neurologist about his brain scans - he has a tumor that may or may not be cancer, but needs to come out. He’s in shock and doesn’t tell anyone at first, but then is convinced he’s going to die. He misguidedly thinks it would be kinder to end things with friend than have him watch him die, so brusquely tells him they need to finish the project quickly. They decide to just shoot the last two with a fake burglary as cover. It works in the end, but it’s a close call. Friend wants to have sex after, but Rabbi tell him that now that they’re done with the vigilante thing, they can’t see each other anymore. Friend is angry and says he’s in love with him and they can’t just end it like that. Rabbi is even more determined to not tell him about possibly dying. (even tho this is stupid, Rabbi is not the most emotionally competent guy and only knows self-preservation and is really trying to shield himself from being vulnerable).

A few weeks later his surgery is scheduled and he has to tell someone cuz he can’t just completely disappear, so he goes to the boss and Josto and tells them that he’s having brain surgery in a few days, so will be in the hospital for a week or so, and then may need some recovery time after, but don’t worry, I’ll just take a cab over, no bother. Josto is like “wtf, don’t be stupid, someone will drive you and you can recover here cuz even tho we treat u like a servant, you’re one of us.” Rabbi doesn’t want everyone to know cuz he doesn’t want to appear weak, so Josto says it’ll stay in the household and one of the women will look after him. (Maxia is back at school, otherwise she’d be all over it.)

The night before surgery Rabbi is freaking out. He suddenly realizes there is so much he always wanted to do and doesn’t want to die without experiencing even one thing. After tossing and turning he gets up and goes to friend’s house. When friend answers the door he’s shocked to see Rabbi crying and manic-ly tell him that he wants to try receiving anal because he doesn’t want to die without having sex with someone who loves him. Friend is like “slow down, what the fuck” and he explains that has a brain tumor and he’s having surgery tomorrow. Friend is fucking PISSED. He’s like how dare you put this on me after you broke my heart and dumped me when I needed emotional support? You’re really fucking stupid and selfish. Rabbi turns to leave, but friend stops him and says he’s mad, but he’s not going to turn him away; u can be angry and still love someone. They go upstairs and prep. Rabbi is terrified to let him see him completely naked, but friend tells him he’s beautiful and doesn’t care about the scars. Rabbi lays down and friend eats his ass, but when he tries to put fingers in, Rabbi tenses up. They try for hours but he can’t relax enough to get a dick in. Eventually friend reassures him that they can try again after his surgery, that it will go fine and whatever happens, whether it turns out to be cancer, they can deal with. He’s not going to let him go through it alone. They snuggle the rest of the night and Rabbi returns home just before it’s time to leave for the hospital.

When he wakes up after surgery, Josto is sitting in his room reading a newspaper. He’s still coming out of anesthesia, tho and goes back to sleep. Later, the doctor tells him it was a benign tumor and he should be fine. Over the next few days Josto’s mother and Naneeda visit and bring him food, and Maxia comes for one day, but then has to go back to school, but mostly his only visitor is friend, who’s like “told ya you’d be fine. When you’re better, we gonna fuck.”

When he gets back to the Fadda house, Rabbi goes to talk to Josto and asks why Josto was in his room that one time. Josto says he just wanted to make sure he was alive, but once the doctor told him he’d be fine, didn’t need to come back. Rabbi tells him it meant a lot to see him and goes on to say exactly how he feels about him, how he’s always felt about him, and wants to know how Josto feels. I won’t write out the whole conversation here, it will be similar to what I wrote about Newspaper. (oh that's a whole other thing I wrote about Rabbi and Fetch the Bolt Cutters, look it up on Tumblr)

Optional -> in addition, Josto says he used to be jealous cuz his dad would take Rabbi into his office and the club with business associates when Josto wasn’t allowed. Rabbi is like “wtf did u think was happening then?” Josto is like “I dunno, business stuff?” No, dumbass, dad was pimping him out to gain favors or blackmail, or both, depending on who it was. Josto is taken aback, but believes it because that is exactly the kind of thing his asshole father would do. After sitting in shock for a few minutes, Josto says “lets kill him. Seriously. He deserves it for what he did to you, and I’m ready to take over the Family. I have ambitions and vision that he lacks, he’s holding us back from greatness. We can do it if we work together, we can even rule together.” Rabbi is like “I don’t have ambitions like you.” Josto asks what he does want. “I just want to leave. Start fresh, maybe somewhere warm.” Josto says “great, once you help me take over, you’re free to go.”

No ending planned so far...


	3. omg, not a single problematic thing! ok, maybe one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more ideas and prompts, most of which are completely harmless!

**Silly ones:**

**——**

AU. Oraetta Mayflower has been fired from every hospital in the area. Her only choice is to move to a new state - again - or find alternate employment. She hears though the grapevine about a disgraced doctor who lost his license but now has a thriving underground practice administering to the criminal clientele who can’t go to regular hospitals or doctors (as well as doing back alley abortions and half price nose jobs for their girlfriends), and he’s looking for help. This seems amenable until she can save enough money to move somewhere far away. And in this position, if a patient or two dies under mysterious circumstances, no one says anything. This is how she becomes acquainted with the Fadda family, sewing up lacerations from knife wounds and bullet holes for the gangsters.

One day Josto is badly injured, something that will take a long recovery period and require lots of help. (Maybe broken knee caps from a rival gang?) They hire Oraetta as his private nurse. He is the worst patient, constantly complaining, being hostile, and not following doctor’s orders to rest. Oraetta has to take some drastic measures to keep him in line. It starts with a sneak attack hand job to quiet him down, and his positive response to that leads to more bondage, femdom, sexual shenanigans.

————

Sometime after the botched hit but before they kill Doctor Senator. Gaetano goes to the Fadda house to visit his mom. Josto and he won’t fight in front of their mother, so he’s temporarily safe. Josto tell him that he gets him making a power play, but he shouldn’t have tricked Rabbi like that; Rabbi is loyal to him and deserves an apology. He says “how do you know he isn’t lying to you?” And Josto defends Rabbi saying that the two of them have “Been thru the wringer together.” Not understanding the idiom, Gaetano asks what’s a wringer? Josto is bad at explaining things, just says “it’s something that squeezes things, I think.” Gaetano goes to Rabbi and apologizes for testing him and says “Josto told me you used to squeeze together.” Rabbi is like “uh… he told you about that?” Misunderstandings abound.

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Arrested Development AU - Rabbi = Michael, Josto = GOB, Zero or Satchel = George Michael, Naneeda = Lindsay, Gaetano = Buster, Satchel or Zero = Onyong, parents = parents or you could get creative and have Ebal = Lucille… Maybe Oraetta = Kitty? Or Gaetano could be GOB and Josto is Buster, or Josto is Michael and Rabbi is Tobias…whatever u want. Ethelrida has strong Maebe energy, but not sure how you could work that in. Maybe mix up the families, doesn’t matter, crack fic doesn’t have to make sense.

—-

Background: when I am really bored, I usually go back to my comfort fandom, Merlin, which is still churning out the good fanfic 10 years on. It’s basically a given these days to take something campy/ fantasy and give it a gritty, realistic, modern reinterpretation. Over the years I’ve probably read or seen a dozen different Camelot Crime Family AUs. My new fandom is Fargo S4, about actual crime families… *fanfic gears turning* Ok, so here’s the pitch: opposite of Merlin-as-crime-family trope - Crime family as Merlin! Fargo AU set in quasi-medieval fantasy time, Faddas are the rulers of the kingdom, at war with other kingdoms. Could be crackfic or serious, explicit or gen, anything goes!

(P.S. I realized I’m writing Josto/Rabbi essentially like they’re Arthur/Merlin, which is so wrong… but also kind of right? I dunno what to do with this revelation.)

——

Not sure how this can be used in a fic, but ya know how some states have/had obscenity laws that banned the sale of porn and dildos? Well, maybe the organized crime scene was too flooded with drugs and guns and they weren’t making money like they used to, so Josto gets the brilliant idea to diversify their portfolio and venture into other avenues of contraband (contraband contraband contraband). *eggplant emoji* becomes major porn kingpin. Want your dildos in the midwest? They gotta go thru Josto… maybe literally.

——

AU in which Rabbi takes Satchel back to his family instead of running. Loy thanks him by giving him a cash reward and a bus ticket, same as Zelmare and Swanee. They all make it onto the train and the girls charm him. He’s basically like “you guys are chaos, and I hate that, but also you’re adorable and I have a savior complex, so I’m going to protect you.” He ends up joining/following them around and cleaning up their messes. They, in turn, really want to find him a boyfriend and are frustrated with how picky he his. The Odd Thrupple.

——

**Serious ones:**

————

AU in which Gaetano was never sent to Italy and the two younger brothers were traded instead of Rabbi and Josto. Explores the older boys relationships with the younger traded boys. Rabbi tries to protect little G from being abused, but can’t be there 24/7, especially since his father is grooming him to take over someday and giving him more responsibility. Gaetano defends himself and stabs Owney like in the story he told Josto on the show. Rabbi hears a commotion and comes running. He sees his father bloodied on the floor and little G crying in the corner. He has failed to protect him. He knows what he has to do - takes his father’s gun and finishes him off. He takes G by the hand and leads him out to the car and drives him fast as he can back to the Faddas. He drops off G but then sits in the car, not knowing if he should go back and accept blame for killing his dad or blame the kid and start a war... before he can make up his mind there’s a tap on the window. It’s Donatello. He says “thank you for saving my son. Come inside, we should talk...”

——

Rabbi always says “dead or in jail” but how many times has he actually been to jail? Josto makes a tasteless joke about being raped in prison, but was he just making a tasteless joke or was his actually in prison? It couldn’t have been for that long, but maybe? So how about a fic about their time in prison. Leaving it open ended, tho I have some ideas…

——

Loy’s confrontation with Rabbi, redux: Cannon’s men actually take him to one of their secure locations and work him over. Loy comes in and is all “what the fuck’s your fuckin problem, dude?” Conversation similar to what was on the show, but Loy is more forceful and doesn’t give up as easily. He had his men did extensive research into his background, tracking down surviving members of the Milligan Concern to find out what Rabbi’s deal is. He uses some of this info to manipulate Rabbi into revealing his actual reasoning for not bringing Satchel back - he doesn’t want him to become a child soldier. Loy tells him that he is not like Rabbi’s father and wouldn’t do that, and Rabbi is NOT Satchel’s father and he has no say in it anyway. Rabbi won’t go against the Faddas, but agrees to try to convince Josto to trade the kids back.

optional -> Rabbi goes immediately to Josto and tells him they need to end the trade, and it would in fact be easier to fight the Cannons if they don’t have to worry about his brother. Josto’s like “Meh, I don’t really care, I’m not worried about him. It’s better to have leverage.” So Rabbi calls Cannon and tells him it’s a no from Josto. Loy decides he has to get his kid outta there and has a plan. He tells Zero “I’m not really going to shoot you, but we’re gonna act like, ok? Just play along.” He pulls up in a car along with a few men outside the Fadda house during the day when Josto isn’t there. He stands there holding a gun to Zero’s head and demands they bring his son out. Rabbi comes out and is like “what the fuck are you doing? This isn’t going to work, I know you won’t kill a child.” He says “maybe not, but I can shoot his ear off and when he hits the ground it will look a whole lot like I shot him in the head to his mother watching from the window. You want to do that to her?” So Rabbi tearfully says goodbye to Satchel and tells him to remember all the stuff he taught him and if he ever needs help then he can call him, no matter what… he walks Satchel out to the car and expects to take Zero back, but Loy says “no, if we give u your kid then your men will shoot our cars before we can even pull away. We’ll send Zero back later.” They do, in fact, put him on a bus, and he’s kinda like “that was fun!”

Josto is furious at Rabbi for giving in to Loy, and is definitely doing to punish him, but right now he just wants Rabbi back in the game - after all, Rabbi is smart and actually gives him good advice, so he needs him to help scheme. Rabbi is depressed to lose Satchel and doesn’t really give a shit anymore, but goes along with it cuz what else is he going to do?


End file.
